Finding Happy

There have been a couple things going on in my life this past week or so that have been very sad. And yet I haven't really cried about them. I'm sure it will come (as is my usual pattern), but the tears aren't there yet.

*****

I had an entire post written, but then didn't know how to end it. Every ending I had seemed sad and depressing and maudlin. So I decided to delete it. Because who says things have to end? Maybe sadness never really goes away. Maybe, when you've run out of excuses and reasons to be sad, you find out that it was just a way to find happiness.

Nightmare

Long ago, I posted about recurring dreams I've had. It's not the same exact dream, but rather a series of dreams with tornadoes. In one dream, I might be driving along a highway, with a tornado off in the distance that I have to avoid. Another dream, I'm driving along and have to pull into a driveway to warn the people in the house that a tornado is coming.

Last night I had another tornado dream. Or to be more specific, a tornado nightmare. All the other dreams were fairly tame. Even if I was scared in the dream, there was a sense that the tornado would never actually reach me.

Last night, the tornado could destroy me.

Last night I woke up a mere fifteen minutes after I fell asleep, panting with the fear of the nightmare. Instead of a remote country road, or a house I've never seen, the dream was set in my own home. My husband was there, and we had to run downstairs and try to find the safest place to hide. The whole time, I was questioning our decision.

As if my nightmare could sense my indecision, a glass sliding door appeared right in front of us, in the otherwise completely enclosed hallway. We could see not one, not two, but three tornadoes bearing down on us. I could feel the wind whipping through as if the house had no walls at all, then poof. I woke up.

Now I'm wondering if our dreams really do reflect our subconscious. But what in the world does this mean? (None of my analyses are positive.) I've spent a lot of the morning thinking about it, hoping that it's just my imagination being overactive as always.

But I still wonder.

The Office Recap Friday

Last night's episode was the season finale. Make sure you stop reading now if you haven't seen it and don't want it ruined.

Let's go!

First off, I love the ensemble work. A great episode has nearly every character participating. Although, I did miss Kelly a little bit. The bit with Toby and the guy from HR corporate? Hilarious.

Oh, and great cold open. I think Rainn Wilson should SO get an award for playing Dwight. A horse doctor. Ha! Speaking of Dwight, let's also mention that I loved it when he and Jim hugged and I loved it when he kicked the volleyball. "I AM SO MAD! [kick] Huh. I'll get it."

Now let's move on to Michael. Can I just say how proud I am of him? He's really grown this season, I think. It is so obvious that he and Holly are perfect for each other. I think she's a little bored with AJ and I'm hoping that what Michael pontificated about at the end of the episode comes true. Was anyone else thinking that Michael must have been picturing a When Harry Met Sally type romance? And gosh, isn't Amy Ryan as Holly fabulous? She's so great.

Side note: I wasn't real sure how I felt about Erin, the new receptionist. I didn't even remember her name until last night, but I think I like her.

And the moment we've all been waiting for ... Jim and Pam! Even though it was amazingly obvious what was coming, I still was so happy for them! And can I say? Wow. John Krasinski is my new favorite guy. I mean, when he came out into the hall to call Dwight (isn't it hilarious that the first person he called was Dwight?) and you saw his face. Priceless. The combination happiness/giddiness/awe/fright on his face, combined with the near-tearful expressive Jim eyes. Nicely done.

Whelp. I think that's it. What did y'all think? Anything you want to add? Was Dwight's best friend weird or funny? Was Stanley slipping a little something in his lemonade or does he really just have a skewed sense of good drama? Who's already signed up for a pair of chair pants?

Click "Submit"

After months of hemming and hawing, I finally registered for my first triathlon. It's a "sprint" triathlon, which means it is half the distance of an Olympic triathlon. When someone told my dad the distances (500m swim, 20k bike, 5k run) he said, "That's not a sprint." I agree.

I put it off for a long time because I wasn't 100% sure I was going to go through with this. And it's somewhat expensive to compete in a triathlon (not that I'm "competing," I'm just going to try to not hurt myself).

What made today the day to sign up? I have no idea. But apparently, Wednesday, May 13, 2009 will go down as "bite the bullet" day.

So. If you want to come watch me make a fool of myself, well, you can stop by any day of the week. But if you'd like to come watch me make a fool of myself swimming, biking, and running, you can come to Grand Haven on Sunday, July 12. Race starts at 7:45a. I'll be the one nervously bouncing around, trying not to puke.

Wow. That last post was a complete waste of time, as it had no value whatsoever. But I'm leaving it up because I need to remind myself to take a big chill pill.

Routine

Tulip Time is over. So if you're desperately sad that the Tulip Time posts are going away, let me know. I won't do anything about it, but maybe it'll make you feel better.

For years (YEARS!) I had a very exact routine. My alarm would go off at a specified time. I would take the exact same amount of time to get ready. I would leave at the same time. Go to the same job. Do the same work. Come home at the same time. You see how this is?

I struggled some days because it all seemed monotonous. Some days I didn't notice the routine at all. But overall, I just did the same thing.

Right now, I'm at a stage in my life where I am not doing the same thing every day. And I have to admit, it's rough. I'm sure some of it is just the fact that I'm not used to it, and every kind of change takes getting used to. But it's tough! I never thought I would complain about having a "flexible" schedule.

I'm forgetting more things (because they're continually changing), I'm sleeping poorly (because I rarely go to bed and get up at the same time), I'm anxious over decisions (because I could get dressed and go do this one thing or I could work out, then get dressed to go do this one thing). Geesh! I think I just need to take one giant chill pill.

Tulip Time

Post #3 - Tulips!

Tulip bulbs are planted in the fall, to emerge after a snowy, snowy winter with bright colors and tall stems. Tulips really are gorgeous flowers, and very delicate.

Every year, the city of Holland plants over half a million tulip bulbs throughout the city. There are tulips along 8th St. downtown (the main drag), tulips in Centennial Park (the main site for a lot of events), and tulips down the edges of the street along what they call "Tulip Lane."

This doesn't even count how many tulips residents plant in their own yards, or how many tulips are at Veldheer's, the tulip farm (yes, a farm devoted entirely to tulips).

Oh, and did I mention that if you pick a tulip (or destroy it in some way) in downtown Holland, there is a fine? It's something like $150 per tulip, though I don't know the actual fine. But it's up there. Beware.

The Office Recap Friday

Hello all my Office fans! Let's jump in.

Cold open? Kevin with the chili? Blah.

(Kent tells me I didn't like the open because I've never appreciated Kevin. Whatever. I didn't like the cold open because it was dumb.)

MVP this week? Jim. Playing chess and Scrabble with Creed? Awesome. Tattling on the mutineers? Yes, please. I love that he's somehow become the go-between for the Dunder Mifflinites and the Michael Scott Paper Company peeps. But please, please give me a prank. Please. It's been too long.

I am curious as to what's actually going to happen with the cast now that Pam and Ryan are back. I had a hard time with the fake firings at the end because I do think Pam deserves a shot, but do we really buy the fact that there's a new receptionist? Is Michael going to actually fire new receptionist and make Ryan the receptionist? Who knows.

Also, kudos on the "casual Friday" outfits. Everyone's personality really seemed to come through, right down to Dwight's idea of casual being to not wear a tie. But writers? There's only so many times I can see Meredith's boobs being blurred out. You're about to cross the line.

Overall, decent episode. But let's get back to some real Office antics, shall we? Perhaps a "Welcome Back" party for the MSPC is in order? I want to see Jim and Dwight again in their Party Planning Committee rolls.

What did y'all think?